I got a wonderful Valentine’s day present - Valentino Rossi’s autobiography, entitled “What if I had never tried it”. In 300 or so pages he describes what happened when he tried. In my upcoming columns, I’ll try to draw from my pen an alternative scenario. What if he didn’t try? We would have a nice student in some Italian University, maybe with magistrate’s degree or even a doctor - who knows?

But back to the MotoGP/500cc scene. I removed gentleman No# 46 from the race results, giving riders who finished after him his points in their place. If Rossi won, the second placed guy gets 25 points, etc. Nothing too hard to do in Excel.

1999

So, in 1998 Biaggi proved once and for all, that he is better than Aprilia and their bike and came an unprecedented 4-time 250cc world champion and moved to MotoGP in 1999. Controversially, ill Criville won the championship title, Roberts was 2nd, Wunderkid Biaggi 4th and New kid on the block - Gibernau - 5th.

For sure, after riding in the 250cc style for ages, it takes some time to get used to 500c beasts and so Biaggi is forgiven. 5th place is respectable, no less. 4th even more so. Nobody understands why the deal didn’t happen with Honda and why Biaggi chose to go with Yamaha boys. Maybe it’s Maybelline … er, I mean, Marlboro. Meanwhile, Rossi has just finished his exams and is going to snowboard in Torino. It’s 7 years to the Torino Winter Olympic games.

2000

2000 looks like a better year. Until the first race. To everybody’s surprise, McCoy slides it home. Everybody takes a hint how you should race, especially if you’re on TV! Biaggi crashes out, Gibernau is nowhere to be seen. Robets finds himself in the comfortable middle when the checkered flag is waved. Not too shabby. Suzuki team manager asks Roberts Jr. to come to his motorhome “to talk”. Although caravan walls are pretty soundproof, dark thumps still vibrate through. Upon leaving, Roberts swears he will demolish the opposition. Manager is happy.

Second race starts the string that, at the end of the year, has brought King Kenny’s son to the Championship title. 273 points, runner up Biaggi has only 185. Suckas. And by the end of the year, Roberts has calculated points so much, in every corner, that he knows his multiplication tables by heart. Plus integrals and pythagoras’ theorem, no less. Brazilian Barros is 3rd and superslider McCoy is 4th by 1 point. Dammit! Meanwhile, some dude named Valentino Rossi is learning that there could be a 10th planet. Wow.

2001

2001 looms as Biaggi swears that two years is enough and he is ready to step up to the top spot. He has also cleaned his main livingroom, where he would like to put the trophy. Bring it on.

He doesn’t worry about equal equipment very much - there’s nobody who can beat him, surely. Randy Mamola has not raced for years, Lawson races karts and come on, Capirossi is surely no match - new kid on the block - nobody wins first time around with a 500cc, not even on a Honda. Barros is already too old and neither Nakano nor Checa would be a much of a threat. With three races left, Biaggi leads by a comfortable 33 points. Not much but still quite OK. Just bring the bike home.

And that’s exactly what Biaggi fails to do in the first race. And the second. Worse - Capirex wins them both! And has a smooth 17 point lead before the last race! How in the world did THAT happen!?

Last race: The red light dies out and race is on. When the checkered flag is waved hysterically, Checa finishes first. Biaggi a close second. Capirossi was having a nice sunday ride and brings the bike home in 4th. Nothing fancy, not even a podium, but he takes no risks. There you have it - Capirex, World Champion of 500cc. The last 500cc champion, too, because next year heralds the arrival of MotoGP. Vale’ learns knitting.

2001 Standings

Capirossi 257
Biaggi 247
Barros 191
Nakano 182

Oh, btw: In an alternative universe, Rossi had 325 points in 2001.

Stay tuned for 2002, 2003, 2004 and 2005. Will Biaggi steal the title? What is Gibernau made of? Who gave Capirossi a Ducati? And who is this Ukawa-san anyway?

And some final words, if I have anything left to say.

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